A letter for everyone.

Three letters this week highlight the diversity of experiences from an affair.

Hello everyone,

Your letters have been incredible, I’ve been doing A LOT of coaching, and am working on ways to create more supports for our community. Thank you for being here!

I really enjoyed my conversation with Kyle Langan on the Hamptons to Hollywood podcast. I hope you’ll listen in — he did a great job creating room to discuss important topics related to this work.

Unfortunately, this week I’ve been flat out with a nasty flu and, trust me, you don’t want a video of the wreckage showing up in your inbox! With that in mind, I’m going to stay behind my computer with this week’s issue.

This week, you’ll find a trio of letters that cover experiences from all sides of the infidelity triangle — unfaithful spouses, affair partners, and betrayed spouses. I know you’ll get a lot from the honesty and richness found in each of these letters.

The entire purpose of what we do here is to help give people the opportunity to get honest with themselves, heal and find their way to the healthy relationships they deserve. If you are a spouse (or unmarried partner) who is in an affair, a betrayed spouse or an affair partner, click the links to find full suites of resources designed to help you move forward.

If you haven’t become a paid subscriber, I hope you’ll become a supporter of this work.

I’m so grateful to have you here, and I look forward to seeing you again next week once I shake this bug and can finally talk again!

-Lauren

for Unfaithful Spouses

I don't think my spouse can love me the way I need to be loved. Now what?

A reader's affair, and her subsequent realizations, makes her wonder where it leaves her.

Dear Lauren,

I’ve been married for 18 years and have two teens. My marriage seemed okay until I cheated a year ago.

It’s something I never even thought about. Now, I’ve been having an affair for four months. This affair has helped me realize that my husband has been emotionally unavailable and I have not felt loved by him for years.

I’ve talked to him about this and he hasn’t tried to change, and seems to think I would never leave. I feel bad for cheating and think he deserves better. However, I don’t think he can love me the way I need to be loved.

Does cheating mean the relationship is over? Where do I start?

Sincerely,
Unmet Needs