Do I Leave My Wife for My Affair Partner?

An unfaithful husband is staying for money and optics, but not for love.

“Dear Lauren,

I am in my 40's, have been married for 15 years, and have been engaging in multiple affairs over the last 5 years. My marriage has never been toxic, we dont fight about much, we generally work well together, our sex life has been subpar by my standards for some time. My sex drive is maybe higher than most and my wife's is lower than most. I did not really appreciate this as much as I should have when we were dating, and then with children I started having affairs, short lived flings with people that love to have sex.

My most recent affair is with someone I work with and believe I have fallen in love with. My wife found out about my affair partner because of an iphone update snaffu where her new phone got all my imessages.

My wife and I decided to try and work things out but I am not really in love with her, I do not feel attracted to her as I do my affair partner.

The things keeping me from getting a divorce , not in order of importance:

- The alimony i will have to pay
- the optics
-my children

I am not sure what to do? I did your get your Decision Making Masterclass and I still do not know what to do.

Sincerely,
Still Stuck”

Something I see every day with my clients is people say “I don’t know” when what they mean is “I don’t want to make a decision” or “I don’t like the choices in front of me.”

Without leaping ahead, that’s what we’re dealing with in this week’s Letters to Lauren. Still Stuck took my Decision-Making Masterclass and is grappling with putting into action the things he discovered.

I am so grateful that he wrote this letter, and had the courage to stay engaged with his life. It’s so common to see people give up, hide out, or go into denial - and then hurt themselves and those around them.

You are not alone if you are asking “what’s next and why can’t I get in action?” Hundreds of people have gotten themselves started with my “Get Unstuck” e-book. The process of investigation, personal inventory, and a values sort is a gift that bears tenfold fruit. Don’t let another week, month, or holiday season be defined by indecision and inaction.

Thank you for being a paid subscriber, I’m so grateful for your commitment to learning and growing together in this space. And, if you’re not yet a part of the Letters to Lauren subscriber community, I hope you’ll become one today. Your paid subscription is a vital part of allowing us to do this work. Now, for our full response to Still Stuck, below!