How do I know if losing my affair partner will be my biggest future regret?

This writer wonders if his affair partner will always reign supreme in the hierarchy of love.

Dear Lauren,

Thank you for considering this letter. I’m in the process of trying to let go of an affair partner. I know all of the facts as to why it’s not a good situation. Intrinsically, I know I want out. But, the addiction is strong.

One thing I’ve been haunted by, and this leads to my question that I haven’t seen addressed anywhere, is the feeling that I’ll never get over her. That one day, when I’m 80, I’ll look back with deep regret at what might have been. That no one will ever love me like she does.

My counselor tells me this is a scarcity mindset. Yet, I’m horrified I’ll forever regret walking away. Is this a common feeling? How do I deal with it? Is this the addiction talking?

Thank you again.

Sincerely,
No Regrets

Dear Regrets,

Losing love is scary, heartbreaking, and sometimes also the right thing. In your case, this sounds exactly true. You love someone with whom it does not make sense, nor is it possible or right to continue to be with, for myriad reasons only you can be clear about.

You write, “I know all the facts as to why it’s not a good situation.” These facts will be paramount when it comes to navigating any future regrets.

Here is my video message to you, where I discuss why those reasons for ending the relationship will be so important for your future self. I also talk about the theme of regret, what it is we are often really afraid of, and how to approach it if and when it arises. And below my video, a note on scarcity.