My affair partner wants me to choose: and I'm not choosing her.

A married man knows he will choose his marriage, but dreads letting go of his affair partner.

Dear Lauren,

I’m a married man who fell in love with a coworker. It started as just sex, but turned into a lot more. We are in love and have a lot of fun together.

I know I need to make a decision, as my affair partner wants me to decide between her and my wife. I know I need to choose my wife, or at least try. I’m having a hard time picking the right to time to end the affair. I don’t want to, but I know that I need to try to.

I’m afraid of the hurt I’m going to cause my affair partner, as she is such a good person, friend and lover to me. I also can’t stand the feeling of seeing her with someone else. I’ve never been so depressed in my life.

My wife can see the hurt I’m going through, but has no idea why. I’m so lost on what to do and how to do it. I’ve done your MasterClass and I’m still in limbo on how to navigate the pain I’m about to go through.

Sincerely,
Dreading the Loss

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Dear Dread,

You’re right — knowing the decision you need to make is different from feeling able or equipped to actually make the change. You say, “I am so lost on what to do". But you’re not lost on what to do. You are actually are very clear about it. The real issue is that you are afraid to do it because of the sorrow, loss, grief, pain, and suffering you anticipate.