My husband won't give up his work-wife.

A weary wife seeks guidance about her husband's unwillingness to give up his work-crush.

Dear Lauren,

Three months ago, I discovered that my husband had been having an emotional affair with an employee that he has worked with for nearly 25 years. I found dozens of photos that he had taken of her coming into work. They were NOT lewd or pornographic, just simply pictures he had snapped of her in the office. They were clearly pictures that someone would take of another person they were very attracted to and had a crush on.

Another employee at the office had confirmed that she was uncomfortable with the amount of time that they spent together. My husband admitted that he had feelings for her and had fantasized about her but, he swears the interaction had never been physical. This woman is an hourly employee with a high school diploma, but he says it is very difficult to find someone to replace her.

I feel very betrayed by both of them, and I cannot let go of my anger since he still has contact with her and does not seem to be empathetic to my distress. I love my husband and want my marriage to work, but the span of time that this has been going on feels overwhelming and is compounded by his procrastination and avoiding letting her go. I’m feeling stuck in a place of anger and resentment.

- Crushed

This is what it looks like when one partner is failing to bring empathy to the relationship and not properly owning the hurt they are causing their partner.

In this case, Crushed’s husband has failed to recognize, accept and embrace that his affair, whether it is emotional or has become physical, is causing his partner great pain and stress. As I cover in the coaching segment accessible to paid subscribers, he is also introducing financial instability to the household by endangering his job.

Ultimately, Crushed is being challenged to distinguish what’s best for her, and how to get on with her life instead of tolerating her husband’s uncaring holding pattern. If you are struggling with making yourself a priority is the wake of your partner’s affair, "The Betrayed Spouse Survival Guide" is designed to help. It’s packed with proven, essential techniques to help you stabilize your life while navigating the initial crisis of betrayal. It’s the first step in a set of materials that help Betrayed Spouses navigate every part of life after infidelity — from deciding whether to stay in or leave your marriage (the Gain + Loss Guide for Betrayed Spouses) and gaining the enduring tools to live the life of your dreams as you heal (From Survive to Thrive Masterclass).

But what if you’re reading this as the spouse who’s having an affair, and you’re feeling stuck in that familiar place of indecision and limbo? When you’re keeping everyone in purgatory because you don’t want to give up your affair or your marriage, I want you to start with the e-book Get Unstuck. It’s your first step in uncovering your deeper motives and getting yourself into gear. If you need more decision-making support, the Gain+Loss Quadrant for Unfaithful Spouses, and the Decision-Making Masterclass for Spouses in an Affair are your big-impact tools for getting clear on whether to commit to your marriage or your affair, and move forward with more confidence and less regret.

These tools are helping people move beyond infidelity EVERY DAY. Now, let’s help Crushed move beyond infidelity, too!