My Married Affair Partner Reached Out After Ghosting Me A Year Ago

They were about to jump; but at the edge of the cliff, he abruptly turned back.

Dear Lauren,

I was having an affair with a married man for nearly 3 years, I am also married. He told me he loved me, he wanted to be with me and everything in between. We decided to end things with our partners but before we did, he texted me that he was ending things, and blocked me on everything.

He completely broke my heart and I fell apart completely. Fast forward nearly a year on, lots of counseling and working on my marriage, my affair partner has texted me, asking if I am ok and telling me he is going through a divorce.

Part of me wants to run, part of me wants to respond as I guess I do still love him, but I don’t think I can get over the way he treated me.

Can you help me move forward and maintain my value?

Megan

Spouses who are having, or have had an an affair have a lot to work through. They are tasked with evaluating their marriage, AND with evaluating their affair, as they determine how to proceed in a way that will lead them to the best relational future. Every affair is unique. This is why the most important thing anyone can do is their own work (!! I can’t emphasize this enough !!) to determine the most significant factors in each relationship, and to properly and responsibly address them with as much clarity as possible.

And, there’s a scarcity of high quality materials to support spouses through this process. If you are seeking support, The Decision-Making Masterclass for Spouses in an Affair (our most thorough program) and our Get Unstuck e-book (a powerful starting point) guide you through the process of clarifying WHY you stepped out of your marriage, and HOW you can stop hurting yourself and others.

Questions of personal value, like Megan’s, require you to distinguish what’s best for you as an affair partner, married or not, and how to get on with your life, are tackled in our e-book Get to the Truth About Being an Affair Partner. So many affair partners struggle to hold on to themselves as they remain in an affair. It’s incredibly painful. Getting honest with ourselves is always the first step.

Thank you for being a paid subscriber, I’m so grateful for your commitment to learning and growing together here. And, if you’re not yet a part of the Letters to Lauren subscriber community, I hope you’ll become one today. In addition to each full weekly coaching response sent right to your inbox, paid subscribers also gain access to all of the letter archives, and to the community chat where advice and support flows freely. Your subscription makes all of that possible!

Now, let’s dive in to help Megan find her path through this situation.