He Filed Two Years Ago But Still Lives With His Wife
Delays in a parenting agreement are keeping this affair partner in purgatory.
Dear Lauren,
I have been in an on and off again relationship with a married man for five and a half years. He filed for divorce two years ago, but is still living at home and claims she is delaying the process by not signing the parenting agreement. I hate to lose him but I give up. There is no reason for it to take this long. I’m lost.
Sincerely,
Giving Up
Dear Giving Up,
You’re not lost — you’ve just been sitting in the quicksand of another person’s life and are looking to the other person who is in the quicksand to get you out of it, as well.
I’d recommend you read my previous Substack letter for additional insights about the delayed experience of divorce due to fears around parenting and parenting plans.
My question to you is: are your boyfriend and his ex-wife living by a parenting agreement while they’re co-habitating? What is the delay in signing the parenting agreement if there is one in place that’s already set a precedence? What is he doing to facilitate forward motion around it (or not)?
Cohabitating with his child(ren) may be allowing your partner to delay the inevitable experience of only seeing and being with his child(ren) part of the time. It’s a painful transition, so I wonder if your partner doesn’t have the motivation himself because of his own feelings around it.
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